Wow! It looks like blogger has changed a bit. It looks nice! I had an interesting day. I woke up at 8 in the morning ready to puke and sure enough I did. I would give you a description but I'm sure none of you want to hear about it. The funny thing is after I got that out of my system I felt fine for the remainder of the day. It was a good excuse to take off of work anyway. I moved out of the dorms Friday. It's kinda diff to be home again and I'm still kind of thinking about a change in residence though I know it is severely cheaper here. My parents don't want me to go, but I have to sometime. I know it's a lot of debt I'm asking for but I feel it needs to be done. To keep from being so dependent. I need to learn my way around this huge and confusing world and I won't learn anything crouched inside this protective bubble. I keep going back to the way I've let my life lead to this point. A stagnation of sorts. My personality is gone and I lead no life other than one spiced with movies and sleep. All my friends are beyond me and I have yet to come close to catching up. The only reason some are still with me is because of their lack of self esteem. I hate what I've let myself become, an entity roaming the living room trying to find the next thing that can distract it. A person who when on the occasion does surround himself with people only makes comparisons and does what the others do since they seem "fine" at doing it. I have spent so much time inside, there is nothing to offer on the outside. I am at a low that I do not like to show. I keep a goofy grin on my face because I'm scared. Of getting hurt, an outcast, and most of all hated. This is why I keep you at arm's length. When I say you, I mean everyone. This is how I live day to day, in fear of mistakes and disapproval. And in this fear only making my situation worse. Why can't I change? Why can't I love? Why can't I live?